i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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