Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize