I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
