...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
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