everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?