I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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