we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
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I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
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I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?