i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
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I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
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It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.