Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
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I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.