just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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