I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
