Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
