Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
foreskin is a definite game changer
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
