I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize