so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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