I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
