Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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