By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
