I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
