its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
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I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
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I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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