she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
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she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
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No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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