I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
