Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
