i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
