I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
