Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize