just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style