Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  he wants to bone in the snuggie

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  (310): he wants to bone in the snuggie http://tfl.nu/yssp
  Replies (14) Good night (2693) Bad night (962)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am

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  (757): if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am http://tfl.nu/cj17
  Replies (24) Good night (4138) Bad night (647)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me

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  (570): i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me http://tfl.nu/vizy
  Replies (38) Good night (6144) Bad night (866)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.

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  (604): I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard. http://tfl.nu/0z3w
  Replies (15) Good night (4539) Bad night (876)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.

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  (203): Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more. http://tfl.nu/bcah
  Replies (31) Good night (5558) Bad night (1234)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.

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  (727): hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week. http://tfl.nu/6l6t
  Replies (15) Good night (1659) Bad night (3789)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."

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  (609): I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila." http://tfl.nu/how1
  Replies (25) Good night (5523) Bad night (2550)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"

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  (214): a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate" http://tfl.nu/0wuw
  Replies (9) Good night (1171) Bad night (5500)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.

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  (613): Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say. http://tfl.nu/8sw1
  Replies (20) Good night (802) Bad night (9559)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.

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  (313): We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn. http://tfl.nu/k4mq
  Replies (28) Good night (1557) Bad night (3473)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it

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  (717): no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it http://tfl.nu/l891
  Replies (4) Good night (608) Bad night (1449)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.

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  (763): I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down. http://tfl.nu/nif2
  Replies (8) Good night (617) Bad night (363)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.

  (917): View more from New York City

  Gotta love Minnesota

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  (612): Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door. (917): Gotta love Minnesota http://tfl.nu/qkph
  Replies (3) Good night (931) Bad night (374)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...

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  (+44): wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay... http://tfl.nu/ag6z
  Replies (5) Good night (744) Bad night (272)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.

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  (+61): I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub. http://tfl.nu/lq2i
  Replies (1) Good night (251) Bad night (429)

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