I accidentally burped into my bong.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
operation have a gay friend backfired
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I supernannyed him into submission