Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
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