Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.