Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
