I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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