my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
