I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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