Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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