you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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