My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
