11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
