and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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