I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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