The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
