If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
