Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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