someone threw a dead crab at me
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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