i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
