Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
