what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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