would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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