that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
