I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I deserve this hangover.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
