where am i from again
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
