And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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