did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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