DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
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