My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
