You made me cry and you don't even care
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
True strength comes from lack of pants
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
