weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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