WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
