There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
