dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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