I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
