im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
