His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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