yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
