no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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