i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
