Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
