There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
