My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Randomize
