wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
