One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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