...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize